I’m happy to call myself a gay man. Let’s just make that clear, here and now. Dare I even say, “proud,” because I don’t want to come off overzealous or preachy. I’m not trying to change anyone. I’m just being me.
It’s not always easy for society to accept those that are different, or for religion to include those deemed unworthy, or for anyone to understand exactly what anyone else is feeling for that matter. It’s easy for people to go with tradition or stay with the heard. It’s safe there, I understand, it feels right.
Then there’s those that trust the feeling inside, the feeling that your gut, your soul, your Being tells you. The one that stares back at you in the mirror and poses the question, “Really, is that really who you are?” I’ve had many arguments with the man in the mirror, he’s been a coward, a bully, a hater, a follower, a jack-ass, judger, a… I could go on forever. But really, that’s a waste of time; putting off reality, pretending it’s someone else’s life and not the truth. That it’s all just me.
And at the end of the day, I still know who I am. I know my weaknesses, I sort of know my strengths, I deal with the parts of myself I don’t like, probably too much. I can accept I am not perfect.
But you know what?
None of that has to do with being gay. Being gay is just a part of who I am, it’s a core part of my genetic make-up. It’s not a choice, it’s just a fact. Those other character traits are my issues that I need to work out, those are things that hurt me and my ability to succeed in this world. Those are the things that can be helped and be fixed. But being gay, hold on… let me rephrase that. Being a Cisgender, Homosexual, Caucasian, American Male, [maybe a bit of a nancy-boy or sissy at times, but I can build shit and drive fast, so fuck off if you question my masculinity, but that’s a WHOLE OTHER TOPIC] … I digress. And apologies if I have misrepresented any community in any of those “labels” because I’m only trying to make sure I’m covering my bases.
Anyway, what I was about to say was, being gay is just who you are. It’s not really a choice. The choice (#choices), that’s whether or not you want to lie to everyone (including yourself) or to live an open and free life of not having to hide and remember your lies or who you told what to just to get your story straight. [HA! I said “straight.”] It really
can be is that simple. And if anyone tries to tell you other wise, they are trying to oppress you. There is something wrong within themselves and they are taking that out on you.
If you can’t love yourself, how the hell are you gonna love anybody else?
Can I get an Amen!
And if you feel like you can’t take them on (I’m talking about safely within conversation, I don’t condone hostile aggression, violence, physical or mental attacks) or be yourself, know that there are people out there that will have your back and can help you. We live in an amazing time with technology that can put you in contact with just about anyone you want to find. Find your people, if you are reading this and you struggle with your sexuality or finding safety within in it, I want to encourage you to reach out. Try to find locally operated lgbtq services, most cities have something. But if you don’t, then by all means reach out online. I can offer my assistance as well, but I’m only one person and can only do so much. But I’m more than happy to try.
Well, I think this might be my first rant I’m posting in this forum. It’s completely not finished, but I got some much work to do that I said enough of my peace.
Goodnight and Goodday (Ha, Siri autocorrected that to Goodfag!)