Now, I’m not saying I’ve never had friends of that caliber. I’m not saying the friends I do have only run as deep as a kiddie pool or liken them to the same experience as searching for meaning in a Paulie Shore movie. No, that’s not what I’m saying. What I am saying is that I have had these types of friendships. I’ve had many of them. And I’m ever so grateful for every one of them.
I don’t think I’ve ever been so rich as to throw away a friend. But I have been so completely self obsessed as to not see the signs of need for sooner maintenance or repair. Never for greener pastures or political self gain, but for being an ass in assuming that other parties would do all the heavy lifting and that I could just show up without a housewarming gift or side dish or even so much as card, flowers, or fuck even a damn balloon.
Nope, not me, I’m that guy. Fifteen hundred not so fashionably late minutes to every function or date. Too busy to be concerned about the time of others, not planning ahead to show courtesy or grace or respect of those I do so cherish. Assuming no one could ever get annoyed with careless time management or adherence to working worlds clock. I am My own white rabbit, falling through time and space, painting roses red, trying to keep my head, on that is.
But now, as the years stack, my slack has more than caught up with my knack for telling myself “You’ll be early next time, today was the last time.”
That’s just the tip, barely in sight from this Titanic feeling of loss of community. No segregation or class, all are one, all share duty. Seniority ranks respect and tradition. Tho for some of my yesteryears members, there will not be enough boats. Nor an SOS fast enough to reach a safe point. Some bridges so cold they burn, even Fergie would go down.
But what I am saying is that I started building great Chinese NASA sized walls to cross country and did so on autopilot. I was asleep at the wheel, but I’m not blaming Jesus for misguiding the truck. But I will say that Jesus and Siri could not agree upon routes. We pulled over in Iowa and I got us stuck in ditch on Sunday with no AAA available to be found. Thank God for good samaritans, country tow trucks, and the American Dream.
And to this… there is no end. It’s not about that, it’s about the process. It’s about paying attention, not letting things run off with you, for we are after all, our own captains. How we spend our days is how we spend our lives. So let’s just take them, and be blessed to receive them, one at a time.